STANDING ON THE SHOULDERS OF GIANTS

Time in memorial has shown us over and over again the power of having a giant in your life. This giant might be someone you know personally or a public figure. I remember sitting through the Still Harbour session at Yale during my GHC Fellowship Training. The session was titled “Standing on the shoulders of a giant” and the first question that was thrown in the room was: Who is your hero/role model? And the first person that came to mind was Nelson Mandela and the second one was my mother. 

But as the session unfolded, as the facilitators shared more on their own personal giants it became more and more clear for me how I have been seeing it all wrong. There was a stress, an emphasis of how ordinary people that surround us every day can be our giants, our very own heroes. Our very own Nelson Mandelas. Nothing wrong with having public figures as our heroes but  honestly speaking I would not do half the things that Mandela did and went through, if it was up to me at that time to choose between life imprisonment and giving in, well let us just say South Africa would have still been under apartheid system right now. Simply because I don’t have the guts. This same thing applies to all these iconic figures we all admire and look up to the likes of Martin Luther King, Maya Angelou, Oprah, Kwame Nkrumah, Steve Biko and the list goes on and on. For me what all these folks have in common is that they are extraordinary beings that defined their own destiny and sacrificed so much for others. Something I am not most times. Same applies to my mother, the hardships she has been through I wouldn’t have survived half of them. One day I will write about her.

But what I got from that session that stood out for me is how I have had ordinary people all my life that I never really looked to as heroes. People that have one way or the other influenced my life and given me that nudge in the right direction or simply patting me on the back for doing a good job. It also took me back to a moment in my life when I was in primary school which I remember vividly when a female teacher openly scolded me in a room full of my peers, she said “Iwetu ndiwe ochenjeletsa ngati uzamalize Std 8 usanatenge mimba ndi mwayi, uzandifuse” which loosely translates to “You’re too clever, you will not finish primary school you will probably get pregnant and drop out.” Those words cut me deep and hurt me a lot. I lived through my primary school working hard and trying to prove her wrong. I would love to meet her now, but I don’t know where she is and if she’s alive. I would love to meet her not to say “Look at me now” and stick out my tongue (though I would love to..LOL) but more so I would love to know WHY she had picked me out and choose to embarrass me and call me out like that in a class full of my peers. Why did she not choose the other method of calling me aside and talking to me as a girl.  Why? Why? Why?

And I wonder to how many girls she said that to and what sort of impact it had on them. With all this at the back of my mind it made me think if I am a giant/hero/role model to any of the girls and young women in my life. How I would love to play that part and how I can make myself more available to such opportunities. So when my friends Lusungu & Chikondi called and asked me if I wanted to be part of the mentorship program of girls and young women at Kauma I did not hesitate. We sat down and planned for a workshop which we named the ‘Back To School Girls’ Workshop’ The aim was to have a safe space and time to talk with the girls. We had about 20 participants some of which are teen mothers and are being enrolled back to school. It was a full day of fun, laughter and just being girls :)  

I am a bit envious of the girls because I never had that in my life when I was growing up. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t too, I hope they are also inspired to be each other’s giants and keepers. The program is not a once off thing, we are planning to have monthly check up meetings with the girls and expand on topics we touched on at the workshop and basically just talk about ANYTHING. Just letting them know we are here for them, whenever they want to talk, rant or simply just be girls, we are here for all that. We are not here to teach or tell them how life goes because truthfully we are still learning too and we don’t know it all. We want to share our life story with them, and them with us. To let them know their life story and experiences are VALID.

This comes at the right time as well as there is discussions happening in the African Feminist discourse about the lack of space for girls and young women amongst in the larger women movements. The existing intergenerational conflicts between older and younger women and the lack of mentorship programs where both older and younger women learn from each other, where the former does not look down on the latter simply because of age and lack of experience. But rather an appreciation and respect of both generation’s struggles and definition of feminism.

And to my own personal giants, I SAY THANK YOU, you know who you are :) 

The Feminist EYE

Attending the feminism course in Mutare, Zimbabwe last year will forever be one of my life’s greatest highlights. Not only because of the 40 young vibrant African young women I met and became friends with in just two weeks but also how the course put everything else into perspective for me.  When Lutanga Shaba in that first session made the statement on how it was important to look at things with a feminist eye at first I did not fully comprehend it, but with time that is all I seem to do. Looking through life and everything happening in this world with my feminist lens. To some, I might sound like an extremist, but that is a story for another day and I really do not care about the name calling at this moment.

One day my big sister was dropping me at work, as usual, and for that day our conversation was centered around rich single young people in the society and she made a comment that totally shocked me. She said “Chuma chimakoma kudya ndi ana, palibe safuna kukhala ndi ana.” Nothing wrong with that, she is entitled to her own opinion and I respect that but it was the generalisation that she made that shocked me. Not every woman (or man) wants to have children or get married. And that does not make them less human or wise. Being an SRHR Advocate such generalisations do not sit well with me. It is wrong to assume every woman will want to get married, or have kids.  With the recently passed Gender Bill where it clearly stipulates a woman’s right to have kids or not in Section VI. The much celebrated Gender Bill will be nothing but a legal document on paper if intensive awareness & publicisation is not done for women in both rural and urban settings. But much more needs to be done in changing of women attitudes towards what society expects of them. I say this, in light of the comment my sister made. We are beings made from interactions and experiences so whether you are educated or not does not mean much.  A woman’s worth is not in her marital status or the number of kids she has.

I was also shocked to learn that it is very difficult for a young single woman to find a place to rent in Lilongwe. Married women do not want to have single young women as tenants simply because she poses a threat to the stability of her marriage, funny, but true.  Young women are pretending to be engaged or married just to get a place to stay. A certain young lady was once told by her landlord to go change her outfit because her skirt was too short.  Initially I thought the disparity between older women and younger women was huge because of the generation gap but I just realized now there is another gap that is freshly maturing between young married women and young single women and this worries me deeply. The notion that a married young woman is wiser, older in experience and mostly right is rather shallow. But that aside, at this crucial time when we have a female president and global spotlight is on women, I feel this is the time for women to hold hands, and rise up! It is the time to not focus on our differences, diversity or marital status but rather the harmony in our pain, our stories and our experiences.

It is important to look at things with a feminist eye, to question the status quo. To question why a young woman needs to pretend to be married just to get a place to stay, a place she can well afford. Why do young women need to get married to prove something? Why do married women feel threatened with young single successful young women?  Why are young women not participating in public forums? What is the government providing for young women? And  most importantly what are YOU as a young woman doing in changing this? 

We can learn so much from the older women, there is need for inter generational forums so that there is understanding and cooperation between older and younger women in this country. I feel older women have safe spaces where they talk and interact but there is nothing of that kind specific for young women. Older women in this country have a stronger voice, but there is none for young women. Collaboration between the two generations would make tremendous strides in the promotion of women rights in Malawi and also assist in the building of the larger women’s movement in Malawi.  

PLAYING MY PART IN THE BIGGER PICTURE

I got a call from my parents over the weekend telling me about a vacancy post they saw in the newspaper and wanted me to apply for. I refused. They were so shocked to my response and they could not understand when I explained to them that I have decided to take a different route with my career. I told them that I have decided to exert all my energy and time in doing work I am passionate about. Am not concerned about money (it has never been about the money for me) but rather knowing my purpose and finding a way to fulfill that purpose in all I do.

I have struggled to find my purpose in life. I have read a lot of books on this & I have had motivational talks to help me find my purpose. I felt lost not knowing my purpose. But every time I thought about it only ONE thing came to mind: I want to serve people. I did not know how, where & when but nothing gave me so much pleasure and joy. But all along I thought this purpose would be more deep and it would come to me in a dream or from a man of God (dramatic I know..lol) but it never did. Every time I thought about it, it all boiled down to the very same thing “Serving people”. But each year I would make resolutions to find that specific life purpose for me.

When I got selected to go to University of Malawi: The Polytechnic, to study Technical Education I was distraught I had never heard about this course and I never wanted to be a teacher because of how everyone else viewed teachers. In the past teachers were respected people in society and it gave parents so much pride to have a child that was a teacher. But times have changed and teachers are no longer respected as much, they get little pay and bad conditions for working. So no one really wants to be a teacher, or at least me and the circles I hang around with.  So the four years I spent at college studying something I was not passionate about were stressful and boring for me, that is why when I graduated, I never went into the teaching profession. I have always been a believer of everything happening for a reason, and I knew deep down that studying technical education was a stepping stone for me. It was a foundation built for greater things to come.

Working with Youth Empowerment & Civic Education (YECE) for the past 22 months has been an awesome experience and a great eye opener for me. YECE has exposed me to a lot of things that gets me fired up! I have met inspirational young people doing great things through this organization. And through all this I have finally found my place and role in the bigger picture. So as my project comes to an end this March, I have mixed feelings; am excited to start a new path and take a journey of self discovery of how best I can fulfill my purpose. Am also afraid at the same time, of leaving familiar grounds and the comfort ability of the environment and the people I have been with for the past 22 months, people that were more like a family than just workmates.  Even though I do not have another job lined up, yet, but I am excited to finally know what my purpose is and how fulfilling that purpose completes the bigger picture.

YCSRR TRAINING ON ICPD

I arrived at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport at 2am on a cold Sunday morning. It was amazing to see how busy Nairobi was even in the wee hours of the morning. I could not wait to get into bed and just sleep like a baby. The whole of Sunday was spent resting and exploring the beautiful ever so busy city of Nairobi, I had heard about the crazy traffic in Nairobi but witnessing it was another experience. And mastering the simple art of crossing the roads was a skill one had to learn and I did J

I was in Nairobi for the training that had been organized by the Youth Coalition on Sexual Reproductive Rights (YCSRR) for youth SRR Advocates, this was the only training to be done in Africa and I was honored to have been selected as one of the 20 participants from these African countries: Malawi, Kenya, Zambia, Cameroon, Liberia, Gambia, Ghana, Botswana & Sierra Leone. I was even more excited to be amongst young people from all over Africa that were activists in their countries; I could not wait to hear about the amazing works they do in their respective countries, their success stories and of course share the challenges and my country stories as well.

The training was for four days and the first two days were spent on drilling us on International Conference on Population & Development (ICPD) basics; how it all came about and all the relevant meetings and conferences that led to the formation of the ICPD. We also looked at the history of the MDGs and the meetings that led to the process of the formation of the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) framework. By the end of Day 2, we did an exercise where we made a flower and fitted all the activities and meetings that made the two frameworks and how finally they meet and feed into the Sustainable Development Goals Framework. It was emphasized that the process leading to the convention of these two frameworks required a lot of advocacy and noise making from the youth s all over the globe so that special attention to Sexual Reproductive Health (SRH) can be made. It was only through this way that we then can advocate in our respective countries for specific laws and policies on Sexual Reproductive Health. The facilitators also elaborated on upcoming meetings and conferences that we can participate in advocate for Sexual Reproductive Health & Rights (SRHR).  It was also pointed out that each country is currently doing solo consultations on the review process for both frameworks and we should participate in these national consultations as well.

The last two days were spent on presentations on advocacy skills and some of the techniques used when advocating and how important it was to use the right terminologies, statistics and facts. We had world café sessions; this was my personal favorite session where we all participated in making body maps on four different topics. This exercise brought out a lot of interesting views and emotions on: Gender equality or equity, traditional values, LGBTQI (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer & Inter sex)  and Abortion. What I learnt from this is that before we are advocates we are first human beings and we each have personal beliefs and values but it is important to not let these things crowd our advocates’ values as well. It is important to speak with one voice as advocates and also to be aware of our political environment because we might be harmed and at worst killed. We finally made our comprehensive advocacy plan by using the template given and presented each step to the group.

It was a busy four days; full of information, gaining of new skills and knowledge; and of course the formation of partnerships and friendships through the networking event. I went back to my country with one thing on my mind: I will not ask my country what it will do for me as a young person but rather what can I do for my country. I will create that space and demand to be heard as a young person and make sure SRHR will come out in the Malawi ICPD Review process. 

Girl on the MoVe!

Last weekend I attended my first ever MoVe! meeting, before I go any further let me explain what MoVe! is. First of all, it is not an acronym; it simply means moving, from one place to another, a better place hopefully. This is the first ever young women movement in Malawi (at least for me), and it seeks to create safe space for young women in Malawi to speak out on issues concerning them and advocate for change.

For every young feminist like me this is like a dream come true and what is more amazing about this movement is the leadership itself and the values they have. But for a first meeting I was just happy to be surrounded by young women from all walks of life who were passionate about young women issues J I felt at home amongst 15 strangers and I felt connected to them just by listening to them speak about their (our) daily struggles as young women in Malawi.

Three things I love MOST about MoVe!

    It is not a project oriented movement; we will not exist because of donor funds but rather to speak out about all injustices done to young women in our country and offer healing where it is needed.

    The leadership: Mphatso Jumbe, the executive director is so passionate about young women and hearing her talk takes you through a whole journey of hope and love.

    Intergenerational dialogue is used as one of the strategies for the movement where young women will interact with older women and learn from each other.

For now am fired up and excited to be a member of MoVe! I feel like am part of history in the making. But my worry is how do I keep the fire burning??? Most movements have come and died I know, because of lack of commitment and fire! But I trust my fellow sisters to keep me fired up and grounded. We will MoVe! together J